


Show Me Yours

by orphan_account



Series: Hearts [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: AU, Alien Sex, Alternate Universe, Body Image, Body Modification, Hearts, Incest, M/M, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Twincest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-24
Updated: 2013-01-24
Packaged: 2017-11-26 16:31:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/652234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account





	Show Me Yours

Richard's Heart has always been prone to changing often. He'll wake up one morning feeling sad and sick and it will have gone a sickly yellowing color, like a fading bruise and only be above where his anatomical heart is. Other days he would wake up and it would be purple, deep splotches of color, pulsing in time with his blood.

Jim was the first to see his heart.

Richard had made love before, with a girl in year ten but he hadn't liked it much and neither of them had taken off their shirts.

It wasn't long after that when Jim started kissing him and pushing fingers up his shirt, to his stomach and Richard didn't stop him, even as Jim pushed his shirt up over Richard's shoulders, he just lay back and let him.

"What's this?" Jim asked, tracing his fingers over Richard's Heart. It was deep purple today, when Jim's fingers brushed over sparks of pleasure raced down Richard's spine, going straight to his cock and making him gasp.

"A-ah. Jim," Richard moaned. "Let me see yours, _please_."

"My what?" Jim asked, a deeply confused look on his face. His fingers traced the splotches of Richard's heart, making him moan and arch his hips.

"H-heart," he hissed. "Oh… Oh, _Jim_ …" Richard's hands reached forward, pushing Jim's shirt over his head and he forced his eyes open enough to look.

He nearly screamed.

Jim didn't have a Heart. His chest was blank. And empty.

"Jim," Richard said, pressing a hand to his brother's chest, trying to find a pulse, a heartbeat, something to prove he was alive.

Jim swallowed and shook his head, pushing away from Richard. "I… I thought you wouldn't have one," he muttered. "W-we're twins, why are we different?" His voice was cracking, there were tears in his eyes.

Richard sniffed, almost able to feel the sadness in Jim's eyes.

"We're twins," he muttered. "T-twins."

Richard kissed him. "I still love you," he said and he was suddenly afraid Jim couldn't love him back. ""I'll always love you, Jim."

Jim was still shaking his head in quiet denial, standing and pushing himself away from Richard. He stood, grabbing his shirt from his twin's hands and storming into the bathroom, slamming the door.

\---

Richard went to see what was wrong nearly ten minutes later, when Jim didn't return. The door was locked.

"J-Jimmy?" Richard called. He pounded on the door, getting worried.

No one answered.

Richard sniffled and knocked again, his hand flat against the wood. He whined in the back of his throat and tried to swallow the panic in his chest. He waited a few more minutes before he started kicking the door, knowing that the lock was weak, it would break.

The door didn't open at first, Richard felt like crying, Jim wasn't answering and Richard felt like screaming. Jim opened the door and looked Richard in the eye before turning on his heel, going back to running bloody hands over red, raw skin.

"J-Jim," Richard squeaked, bounding forward and kissing Jim on the cheek. "Jim."

"I should be able to _see it_ ," Jim hissed, his eyes staring blankly into the mirror. "I can fucking _feel_ it. R-Richard, why aren't we the same?" Tears started falling down his cheeks and Richard's heart thudded to a stop. He felt sick, like he might puke.

He'd never seen him cry before, not since they were kids. Richard cried all the time but Jim was the strong one, he never cried unless his soul was being torn to pieces. And maybe it was.

"Jim, calm down," Richard said. Jim ignored him, grabbed the razor from the counter and digging it into his skin.

"Just below the surface," he breathed, digging his nails into the cut and scratching down to his stomach. Richard let out a faint mewl, horrified of the blood, it had to get off of Jim. He can't deal with this.

He started the shower running and dragged Jim inside, still in their clothes.

"Twins," Jim kept saying. " _Twins_. Twins aren't different. Fix it! Fix it, Richie! We're t-twins…"

Richard didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything, just held Jim as he shook and sobbed and tried to keep his brother's hands off his chest, letting him claw at Richard's Heart instead. It hurt more than it should have, like someone was dragging knives across his bones, something inside him keeping him together but he didn't do anything, just let silent tears fall.

At some point Jim calmed down enough to just lean against Richard's chest and let his eyes close. Richard turned off the shower then and took off Jim's wet clothes, toweling him off and leaving his cuts for later.

For now, Richard dragged them back into their bedroom and lay in their bed together, naked and close and Jim slept and Richard worried and hated himself for having a Heart and being unlike Jim.

\---

When they were eighteen, Jim covered his chest in lighter fluid and set fire to himself in the side yard and sat against the house and let himself burn. Richard could smell the fluid and caught him just as he leaned against the house.

Richard panicked and nearly screamed. He had to have a level head (his brother was on _fire_ ) and find something to put that out with (fucking _fire_ ) and the hose was just around the corner.

Richard ran to grab it cranking on the water, spraying Jim until he was spitting and screaming and crying again, tearing at Richard's face with his nails, too clumsy and distraught to actually get in a blow.

"No! Let me fucking die," Jim had sobbed, clinging to Richard's shirt and dragging him to the wet ground. "I don't deserve to be here, please…"

"Is this about your… y-you.." Richard swallowed and kissed Jim instead of saying it and his brother scowled and nodded.

"I don't deserve to be here," he repeated and shook in his brother's arms. "I'm a freak. There's something wrong with me and no one cares about me, I mean, they can't and-"

"Jim," Richard said, his voice cracking. Did he honestly think that Richard didn't care? "Jim."

"What?" Jim spat, pushing himself to his feet and storming into the house. Richard followed him, scrambling to his feet, now covered in mud and tears. He was tracking it in the house, he had to remember to clean it up later, before da got home.

"Jim, I love you," Richard sobbed, following him into their bedroom.

"I can hurt you," he said, voice low and soft as if he'd just realized this. "Do you think da would still fuck me like he used to? 'Oh, Jim, it's just like when you were a kid. Blank. Undeveloped. Oh, _Jim_ '." His voice sounded too much like their father's, it made Richard's hair stand on edge, made him want to cry and curl up into a ball until he was gone.

Jim had turned on his heel, facing Richard with a dark, scary look on his face, the phantoms of a grin ghosting his lips.

"S-stop. He's not gonna find out a-and we can move now. Jim w-we can leave you just d-don't… Jim," Richard was stuttering backing up slowly until his heel hit the wall and Jim was diving to slam the door.

"Richard, I want to touch it," Jim hissed, pressing his chest to Richard's, hands trailing up his shirt. Richard could only whimper, frozen in the look Jim was giving him.

"No," he mewled, trying to duck away but Jim grabbed his shoulder and held him in place as his other hand slowly worked up Richard's stomach to his chest, to his Heart.

"Cooperate and it won't hurt," Jim promised, lifting Richard's shirt over his heat, revealing his heart which had faded to a light pink color, spread evenly across his chest like a sunburn.

And Jim touched him.

Richard had been raped before. He'd been raped many times and the intrusion and the pain was worse. He thought about going to the dentist that one time, when Jim had lied their way in and faked IDs because Richard had a cavity and was afraid the tooth was going to get infected. He remembered them scraping at the rotting tooth, how it sent pain through his head, down to his spine and he thought that maybe being touched like this was like that, only worse.

He thought about being cold and thought maybe being touched was like that. Numbing, after a while and all he could do was sob and hope Jim would come and save him though he knew Jim wouldn't, couldn't, not when he was the one hurting Richard.

"Stop," Richard finally managed to gasp. "Stop, stop, stop."

Jim didn't. He just pressed his hand harder against Richard's chest, thinking maybe if he touched in all the right places, this fucking _thing_ would go away and they could be the same again.

Richard's legs gave out and he crumpled, sobbing helplessly, not trying to speak, just letting himself scream, the ghost feeling of Jim's hand on his Heart and how sick he felt, how dirty and used and _fucked_ he felt.

He couldn't even bring himself to crawl into bed when Jim grabbed his notebook from the floor and bounded out of the room, probably off to the park to hide and leave Richard to talk to da about the mess. Richard hoped Jim would come back tonight, he hated it when Jim stayed out.

So he lay there and he wished he could disappear. He had half a mind to go down to the yard and do what Jim had done except he would actually finish it. He hoped Jim wasn't burnt too badly. He hoped he managed to stop and find new clothes in the laundry before leaving, it was awfully cold out.

And he hoped Jim would let Richard forgive him, he wished Jim would apologize and then he reminded himself that Jim gets mad when he expects unrealistic things so he curled up and closed his eyes and slept.

\---

Richard woke up in the bed, Jim laying next to him, watching him. His first instinct was to scramble away, but the look in Jim's eyes were gone and he just looked dead inside.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "I didn't know it would hurt and I couldn't stop."

Richard whimpered and let his brother pull him closer. He was wearing a shirt now and didn't feel so exposed and horrible.

"It's okay," Richard said. "It's okay, I still love you. Are you burnt anywhere?"

"Only second degree. It wasn't too bad. It might scar."

Richard nodded and sat up. "Can I see?"

Jim took off his shirt. Richard closed his eyes, reminded himself they were just burns, it wouldn't hurt Jim as much, he didn't have a Heart.

"We need to treat those," Richard said. Jim didn't hear him or ignored him. "Do they hurt?"

"Not as badly as you would think. I think I'm in shock. I guess if I just shower then bandage these up and maybe put cream on them I'd be fine," Jim said numbly. "But that can wait, I wanna make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine," Richard said, though he wasn't. His chest still hurt and it felt like he'd broken his ribs and he could barely breathe, but he could hide it. "Go get yourself patched up, I'll be here if you need help. Okay?"

Jim nodded and leaned down to kiss Richard and Richard tried not to flinch away.

"Okay," Jim said leaving Richard alone to finally cry and hate himself for letting this happen, for letting Jim _touch_ him and for letting Jim get so far lost that he actually tried to kill himself.

Because of course this was his fault, for having a Heart, for being different. And in the end he just hoped Jim turned out to be okay.


End file.
